The aim of this platform is to get grief spoken about in a less awkward and more open way, so I have reached out to some incredible people who all have a different story when it comes to grief, and have agreed to share it with the world through The Girl with Grief platform.
Meet Sadie Rae
Firstly, thank you for allowing me to share your story with the world and I’m honoured to dedicate to your amazing mum Emma.
Myself and Sadie went to the same primary and secondary school so have know each other about 20 years. Sadie was the only person I knew that had lost a parent at the time of my mums’ death and she was a really big support and someone I reached out to when I went through the same heartbreak. At the early years after my mum’s death we spent a lot of time attending NDubs concerts (yes, we liked NDubs haha) and did bond over our grief. As the years have gone on and I moved away from our home town we don’t see each other often but via social media I kept up with her and how amazing she is doing many years on from her loss.
So, on my journey to get grief spoken about more openly Sadie agreed to share her story. I asked a few questions you may have seen on a previous blog post with April & Beth so please read to hear Sadie’s answers.
Sadie shares her story:
Who have you lost? My Mum
What is there name? Emma
How old where you when you lost your mum? 12
How did they die? She lost her life at the hands of domestic violence
Tell me about the moment you found out and the feelings that comes with it?
I had waited all day with the thoughts of something not being right, until the best time to tell me was (although looking back I don’t think there would of ever have been a best time). I was instantly broken; I remember not being able to breathe. I was stunned by the surprised of it all, especially in the way she was killed.
How do you think losing your loved one has changed you as a person?
It has affected every aspect of my life, the decisions I make in life always subconsciously come down to the fact my childhood shaped me and the trauma I am still dealing with. It effects who I chose as friends and partners (good and bad), I will always sit in fear that I am going to lose someone else and start the grieving journey all over again.
What is your happiest memory of them?
Staying up really late on a school night, talking about the whole world and how we were going to rule it; we were going to be unbeatable.
Any bits of advice you’d give to someone who is currently going through what you went through?
Everything you feel is okay, you will still be hit by the grief wave in the middle of a good day years and years later but it’s okay. It is absolutely okay for you to feel nothing as well, it comes in different ways. You don’t have to be strong all the time, you can cry and it doesn’t mean you have lost your power.
Anything else you’d like to add?
I do wonder what life I would of lead if I was to have grown up with parents, where I would be now? Would I be so level headed and mature or would I of been a typical teenager living my best life. I also wonder if grief has made me the way I am or if that was always who I was going to be. The unknown and the what ifs are what will get you sad, remember the memories but do not live in them and do not constantly think of the unknown.
I remember when I found out about Sadie’s mums’ death, I was on a ski school trip and heard that someone had been murdered in the area we lived. I rang home and that was when my mum told me the news but couldn’t share any details, my heart dropped knowing how young Sadie and her sister were and having to deal with your mothers’ death is so tough but doing it while it was local news must have been even tougher. You have achieved great things in life Sadie and I know your mum would have been so proud of you.
The advice Sadie shares ‘You don’t have to be strong all the time, you can cry’ goes nicely with my mental health blog I recently posted, please don’t put up a strong front if really your struggling inside. There is a lot of people out there wanting to listen and my email/DM’s are always open for anyone however far into your grief journey you are.
Sadie, from the bottom of my heart thank you for getting involved in this little project of mine, it’s a big ask to let me write about such a personal experience all over the internet but I’m glad you can be part of this movement. Together we can make Grief a more open and less awkward subject xx